kooooooooonichiwa!!!

hang on then, i'm guessing, from all the little people, the sweating, and the fact i haven't got a bloody clue what's going on, I'M IN BANGKOK BABY!!!! i haven't had a lot of sleep in the past however many days, but i just dozed off while i was checking out of my hotel! let me fill you in on how i got here...

thursday afternoon in sunny DRY calgary, and there's a bunch of us in the pub. now it got messy pretty early on but without a doubt, the funniest moment of the night is in fionn macools. this is just up the road from work so we go there a lot and the barmaids recognise us; one of them saunters over to the table. now she's a big old girl and her top's not doing her any favours. logan (who will be getting bigged up later) is sat next to me and reaches out to the waitress, putting her palm on her belly. (even in my tequilay haze i could see this happening in slow motion, thinking no...no she's not...oh my god she is...) i turn to logan to see a delicious expression of excitement on her face, and she says "nooooo, when did this happen?!?!? you're not are you?!?!?!" 3-2-1 "no." is the reply and the waitress walks off.

i was crying.

i had to leave the room because i was laughing so hard i thought i was gonna shit myself. nathalia was creasing up "that did NOT just happen?!?! that stuff only ever happens in the movies!!!"

we didn't see that waitress for the rest of the night. last i heard she was doing sit ups out the back.

party party, rock back to ours about 2am and logan's all over getting me packed. i think i was breakdancing in the living room. this did mean i watched "my" backpack go by me three times on the airport conveyor belt in bangkok cause i'd only seen it drunk. logan - big love, wouldn't have made it here without you!

dunno how nathalia managed to get us to the airport for 6am but we made it! (presents in the post) next thing i know i'm sat next to rhonda and her lovely daughter toni (HI GIRLS!) on their way to miami for a cruise. they were on drool watch for the next 3 hours as my body shutdown. next thing minneapolis, meh.

then! its on the plane to tokyo. now the old boy welcoming people onto the plane asks if i have a good seat (i bet he says that to all the boys...) and give him a bit of banter. anyway, i get to my seat and start dozing off. next thing i know he's tapping me on the shoulder, he's only hooked me up with an emergency exit seat - leg room aplenty! michael, i salute you. the greatest man i've ever met on a plane. and i'm not just saying that because you hooked me up with 7 hours of gin on tap! "dan, you've drank all the tanqueray! is bombay sapphire ok? michael, where have you been all my life?"

couple hours in tokyo, saw a vending machine selling sweat, but no used panties (sorry jo). and now i'm in bangkok! went for a mooch earlier, soooooo moipy. think i'll be spending most of my time over here in speedos. there's gonna be water fights all week cause of thai new year so expect some class photos!!!!

byeeeeeeee!

errrrrr...hello?!

don't get excited guys! still in canada but leaving tomorrow morning. i'm walking on sunshine at the minute. soooo many people have hit me up with places to see and things to go - thanks! don't be shy to add stuff on here, i'm sure there'll be internet cafes on top of elephants etc that i'll be able to check and update with ferties.

my boss came into my office this morning and said "dan, i've got a going away present for you. this is the most important bit of kit you'll take with you; its a lemon. when you're just about to do the bad thing with whichever wench you've dragged back to your place, give this a squeeze over her naughty bits. if she's clean, it'll freshen things up a bit, but if she screams, RUN AWAY FAST! i've even sliced it so you've got no excuse the first couple times..."

it's only gonna get worse folks!!!!

peace